How many times have you thought – “I ate that cookie, I might as well finish the bag and start my diet again tomorrow” or “I don’t have time to do my 5 mile run, why bother running only 2 miles?” or “I’m trying to cut out all alcohol. I caved in and already had a glass – I might as well have another”.  I hear these things all the time from my clients. So many of us are all or nothing people when it comes to behaviors including food, alcohol and exercise. The problem is that this mentality sets us up for failure –  in addition to making us feel downright miserable much of the time. Who wants to feel that you have to live up to unrealistic standards 100% of the time? We are all human and this is just not possible! In order to be successful with weight loss and overall physical and mental health, we need to find a way to get out of the all or nothing mentality because it doesn’t work long term.

If you want to follow a very strict diet or engage in an intense exercise program 6 days a week for a short period of time, go for it. It can get you quick results which can be motivating. But trying to keep up with these behaviors long term won’t work. I can’t tell you how many clients I’ve had in my office who regained all the weight plus more after following a very rigid diet. They never learned how to live in the grey zone. The grey zone is an area that’s in between being really really strict with a behavior and eating/doing whatever you want. This is the middle ground we should strive to get to.

Tips to avoid all or nothing thinking

1) Be aware that severely limiting your food intake and completely cutting out your favorite foods causes deprivation and increased risk of binging … and it’s just not fun! Why can’t you have a bowl of pasta on occasion? Setting unrealistic exercise goals also sets you up for failure. The more failures we have, the less confidence we have in ourselves. It is a known fact that a low self-efficacy will decrease our chances of being successful in health related behaviors like weight loss, maintenance after weight loss, regular exercise, etc.

2) Keep a journal. In addition to writing down what you eat (or drink or exercise), write down your thoughts – especially every time you catch yourself with this all or nothing mentality. It’s important to capture when these thoughts occur and exactly what you are thinking. For example, I planned to take the 7 pm spin class tonight. I missed the class and blew off the gym because I don’t get nearly as good a workout on the treadmill compared to the class. Why bother?

3) Examine your all or nothing beliefs. Why do you feel that way? Where did it come from? Are these thoughts valid? For example: If you ate one cookie, does this really mean you blew your chances for weight loss? In reality, the one cookie has 70 calories. Not a big deal. But eating the rest of the box and beating yourself will likely lead to poor eating the next day(s). This can be a big deal when it comes to losing weight. Why did you feel that eating a cookie was “bad”?  Or if you’ve told yourself you need to avoid all carbs at dinner, and you end up eating 1 cup pasta, why do you think you blew your “diet” for the day?

4) Think about how the all or nothing mentality makes you feel. Strict deprivation … overindulgence … guilt … repeat the whole process. Is it working for you? How does it make you feel? Would you like to get out of this cycle? How would getting out of this cycle make your life better? It’s important to have a motivator as to why you want to make changes. Possible motivators: feel less stressed, feel less deprived, be in a better mood, feel more in control.
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5) Reframe your all or nothing thoughts. It can be difficult to change the way you think, but it can be done. Once you’ve identified these thoughts, try to find a way to reframe them. For example:
-All or nothing thought: I need to exercise 6-7 times a week for 1 ½ hours in order to lose weight. Exercising less than this won’t burn enough calories. My body needs this in order to lose weight
My reframing suggestion: I don’t need to exercise this much.I feel tired a lot and have many cravings. I think my exercise program is contributing to this. I choose to give my body a break and will  exercise 5 times a week. I will incorporate shorter intense sessions, High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) for 30 minutes into my workout routine versus the 90 minute sessions. I have read that these can be just as beneficial (if not more so) as longer sessions.
All or nothing thought: I can’t have any carbs at dinner if I want to lose weight
My reframing suggestion: I enjoy eating carbs but know I have trouble controlling my intake. However I choose to let myself eat carbs at dinner 3 times a week. I will choose those carbs I feel confident I can control my portions of  – sweet potato and quinoa. I will keep my portions to one cup.
All or nothing thought: I am not allowed to eat any dessert if I want to lost weight. I REALLY want to have some of my favorite dessert tonight when eating out with friends, but I won’t let myself
My reframing suggestion: I will allow myself small portions of my favorite dessert on occasion. Tonight is a special night so I will let myself enjoy a few bites of a shared dessert with my friends. I am in control and will eat it slow and enjoy each bite

6) Plan an “excursion” from your strict eating plan. If you find it really hard to live in the grey zone, start practicing.  If this makes you nervous, the trick will be to plan.
For example,  pizza is one of your favorite foods but you made it off limits for yourself because one slice turns into three.  But … you love it and feel deprived when your friends are digging in and you’re eating a plain salad.  This usually leads to binging later in the night. So – what if you planned a night with your friends when you would have a slice of your favorite kind of pizza. You’ll eat it REALLY slow (“mindful”) and order a side salad to go with it. Your friends probably inhaled 2-3 slices while you ate your one slice. The key word here is to PLAN! It’s probably best not to order in a pie while home alone, but enjoy a slice with friends.

7) Don’t beat yourself up. If you end up eating or drinking more than you planned on, let it go. Does any good come out of dwelling on it and beating yourself up? Does it make you feel better? Chances are that it only makes you feel worse about yourself which will likely lead to more eating. Let it go and move on. One thing you can do is to learn from what happened. Maybe you went too long without eating, maybe you were with a “food pusher” friend, maybe your all or nothing thoughts provoked this episode.

8) Know yourself. While I’m suggesting that you allow yourself to eat your favorite foods on occasion, I’m not suggesting you open the floodgates. There may be some foods that you have serious trouble controlling your intake of. I call these trigger foods. You may be better off not keeping these foods in the house. Instead, enjoy a small portion when you go outside.Here is an example: I love chocolate and don’t want to deprive myself of it. But … I am REALLY bad with portion control. So I would never keep a box of chocolates in my apartment. But I do allow myself a few bites of a chocolate dessert in a restaurant or 1-2 mini chocolates like a Lindt truffle found in the check out lines of many NYC markets. This way I don’t feel deprived yet I’m not setting myself up for trouble. I truly believe that I would never be able to control my intake of chocolates if they were in my apartment!

9) Get the DIET word out of your head. Do your best to drop the “good” or “bad” food mentality. All foods can fit!

​10) Seek help from a therapist/counselor  if you are feeling very out of control with your eating or drinking.

Personal training isn’t just for the young — or the wealthy. Here’s how to make it work for you. 

Karen Palmer, 76, travels frequently for pet-sitting and house-sitting jobs. That means packing and lugging suitcases, and having the strength to control skittish, heavy animals.

Two and a half years ago, she wanted to improve her overall fitness while also protecting an arthritic shoulder and knee. “I wanted to have the ability, strength and confidence to take on whatever life might have in store,” she said. So she started exercising with a trainer she met through her physiotherapy clinic.

The sessions have made a difference. Ms. Palmer has seen improvements in her joint mobility and range of motion, she said. “So many people accept everything as a part of aging, but it doesn’t have to be that way,” she said. “I’m going to fight to the bitter end.”

As you age, strength training twice a week can help you stay healthy. It can slow age-related muscle mass and strength loss, help maintain bone density and improve stability. But starting a new fitness program can be challenging at any age, and all the more so if you have mobility issues or joint pain. That’s where trainers can help. 

Studies have shown that older adults perform better in key areas like balance, flexibility and core strength when they work out with a trainer instead of on their own. Having a “built-in guide” can also help with motivation, said Jennifer Heisz, an associate professor of kinesiology at McMaster University.

By teaching you to move properly, a personal trainer can help you believe in your ability to exercise safely. “Ageism can hold people back from things they could be doing but don’t think they’re supposed to,” said Dr. Heisz.

“We can start undoing this self-stereotype of ‘I can’t do that because I’m too old,’ to ‘Maybe I can do that,’ to ‘I can do that and actually I did that yesterday,’” Dr. Heisz said.

Injury prevention and safe progression

As you get older, the risk of falling and getting injured increases. Two of the primary risk factors for falling are lower body weakness and compromised balance. 

Resistance training can help, but to train for strength and balance, you need to push the boundaries of your ability to progress, said Dr. Amy West, a sports medicine physician at Northwell Health. A trainer can provide a safe environment, teach you to move correctly and suggest an exercise progression to make you stronger without risking injury, she said.

“Most patients I see aren’t getting injured doing really cool athletic things,” Dr. West said. “They get injured putting dishes in the dishwasher or picking up their grandkids.”

For Ms. Palmer, exercising with a trainer reassured her that she wasn’t damaging her joints. “She’s really good about pushing me to do things to make me stronger, but she knows there are limits,” she said. 

Hiring a trainer on a budget

Personal training can be expensive: A single session might range from $50 to over $100, depending on the trainer’s credentials, experience and where they’re based. But many gyms — including some YMCA, Life Time and Crunch locations — offer discounts for older adults.

Once you learn proper form and safety, you can ask your trainer to create a program for you to follow at home and schedule occasional check-ins to review your progress.

Small group training is generally more affordable, and it offers the added benefit of exercising with your peers. More than one in three older adults in the U.S. reports feeling isolated, and that loneliness can lead to an increase in all-cause mortality. For older adults, exercising with others can also help them stick to a fitness routine.

Look for groups with a one-to-four ratio of trainer to clients so your instructor can provide individual feedback, suggested Nsuani Baffoe, a personal trainer and gym owner in Toronto. As your skills and confidence improve, you can try larger fitness classes. 

Finding the right trainer for you

Make sure your trainer is well qualified. Cedric Bryant, the president and chief executive of the American Council on Exercise, recommended looking for someone with an accredited certification from the National Commission for Certifying Agencies, and confirming their credentials through the searchable database from the Coalition for the Registration of Exercise Professionals.

If you have chronic health conditions, not all trainers will have the expertise to properly create your fitness program, said Dr. Heisz. Clinical exercise physiologists are trained to work with people with medical conditions, and your doctor may be able to recommend one. 

​It’s also a good idea to look for someone who has experience working with older adults and adjusting for common concerns like osteoarthritis and mobility limitations, Mr. Baffoe said. Ask if one of the trainer’s clients could provide a reference so you can see if they’re a good match for your needs, he added.

Before beginning any exercise program, talk to your doctor about whether it’s safe for you, said Dr. Heisz. Your trainer should begin with an assessment to understand your goals and limitations.

​“Not all personal trainers are the same,” said Dr. Heisz. “You should shop around to find the one that you fit with best.” 

​It can seem really hard when you’re trying to lose weight/get fit and healthy. It’s hard to change your habits – it’s hard to reduce your calories, to reduce your alcohol intake, to increase the amount of fruit and veg you eat. It’s hard to go to the gym, go to workout classes or walk more or increase your activity – especially when you’re busy and stressed and tired. It’s even harder to prioritize sleep when you have so much going on and a thousand demands on your time.

But it’s also hard always being tired, being unwell because your immune system is wrecked or being at risk of cardiovascular disease and diabetes. It’s hard not fitting into the clothes you want to, it’s hard being out of breath going up and down stairs, or playing with your children. It’s going to be even harder when you’re older and unable to get up and down from the toilet unaided, or pick yourself up when you fall. It’s hard not feeling confident in your own body, strength and fitness.

I know it’s never quite a straight forward as this but on some level you have to choose your hard. Neither option is easy – they’re both hard. Even when you reach the level of fitness you want or the dress size you want – it won’t magically become easy to maintain it. It’s still going to be hard some days.
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Choose your hard!

​You know that really fit person that doesn’t even seem to try to stay in shape?

The person who confesses to actually crave vegetables and looks forward to her daily workout, yet never seems to obsess about every calorie and eats dessert without even feeling guilty?

That person doesn’t just have really good genes. Whether knowing it or not, she has built up a set of habits over the years that allows her to stay in shape without putting in a lot of effort. And those habits can equal the difference between a really fit person—and a couch potato.

Here are 7 things really fit people do to stay in shape:

1. They don’t diet.

Have you ever known someone in really great shape who was constantly trying out every new fad diet?
Yeah, I didn’t think so.

Because for the most part, fit people don’t diet—they make healthy eating a part of their lifestyle.

While I recommend sticking to an 80/20 nutrition plan, ultimately, the key to staying fit and eating healthy is learning to listen to your body. What makes you feel good? What keeps you feeling full and energized throughout the day? What helps you kick ass during your workouts? What keeps you feeling and looking fit?

If you learn to answer these questions for yourself, you’ll soon be on the road to embracing healthy eating as a lifestyle, not following every new diet that comes along.

2. They find a way to enjoy exercise.

If you’re one of those people who absolutely dreads every minute of your approaching treadmill workout, and hate it even more once you’re there, it’s time to find a different approach to exercise.

Because more often than not, fit people find a way to actually enjoy—and even look forward to—their workouts.

And while that may not always mean they’re excited to lace up their sneakers and go for a run on a rainy day, it does mean that they like the feeling of being fit and value that more than their desire to sit on the couch.

If you really hate to exercise, the problem may be with your workout, not you. Everyone enjoys different things—I used to hate working out when running was all I did, but ever since I discovered HIIT, I can hardly go a day without working out.

So find something you like—whether it’s HIIT, sports, boot camps, CrossFit, or something else entirely—and start looking forward to your workouts, not dreading them.

3. They prioritize their health and fitness.

While most people let work, family, social engagements and other priorities get in the way of exercise, really fit people make exercise a priority no matter what.

Yes, this may mean having to get up 15 minutes earlier when you’d rather be sleeping, working out on vacation, or fitting in a workout even when your life seems busier than you can handle. But once you build up the habit, it actually becomes harder to not exercise because you become so used to prioritizing it in your life.

“People who are fit are the same as anyone else. The only difference is their level of commitment.” – Boxing champion Laila Ali

4. They don’t eat perfect 100% of the time.

Sure, there’s that rare person with 5% body fat that refuses even a single bite of chocolate and seems to be ok with it. But most of us need to cheat a little in order to keep our sanity.
Giving yourself a cheat meal or day every once in a while ensures you don’t feel bitter about your healthy diet and go crazy and binge on all the things you’re missing out on.

So don’t feel guilty if you enjoy a cookie, some dark chocolate or your favorite treat once in a while—just don’t let it become too frequent of a habit or you’ll end up losing all that hard work you put in during your workouts.

5. They get a lot of sleep.

If you still think being fit is only about how often you work out, you need to think again. Because one of the top things fit people do to stay healthy and fit isn’t exercise based at all—it’s sleep.

Not only does sleep give you the energy you need to work out on a regular basis, it also helps regulate your metabolism, repair your muscles, boost your athletic performance and more.

​Aim for at least 7-8 hours each night, and you’ll be a healthier, fitter and a happier person overall.

6. They hang around other fit people.

You know that saying, “you are what you eat?” Well, you are who you eat with (and socialize with) as well.

Think about it: if all your friends are constantly getting fast food and donuts for dessert, and always choosing sedentary activities like going to movies or sitting around for hours, what do you think you’re going to do? Probably eat junk and sit around all day too.

On the other hand, if your friends are into healthy cooking, or trying new restaurants with local, fresh ingredients, and want to go bike riding or organize a pick up game of soccer for fun, you’re most likely going to join in and be more active as a result.

This may be difficult at first if you have old friends with unhealthy habits, but you can try and encourage them to be healthy too with small adjustments to your usual activities—and you can always try and meet some new more active, healthy friends as well.

7. They stay active outside of the gym

While fit people always make it a priority to get in planned exercise on a regular basis, they don’t limit exercise solely to the gym (or home gym)—they do all they can do stay active outside of their workouts as well.

So how can you start incorporating this into your own life? Here are a few ideas to get you started:

• Walk wherever and whenever possible.
• Pick active weekend activities like bike rides, hikes, or tennis.
• Take the stairs. Always.
• Choose active vacations. Hiking, kayaking, skiing, swimming, biking… there are so many possibilities!
• Get up and move whenever you can. Sitting is bad for you. Move often.

​And most of all, believe in yourself. You can do it. Now go get started.

Your Sleep Schedule Is Off

If you get more than 9 hours of sleep a night, you may be the envy of your friends, but too much or too little sleep -- less than 5 hours a night -- can be linked to weight gain. Both can throw off the way your body makes the hormones that control your appetite and hunger. And if you don’t feel rested, you may skip your workouts, too.

You Don’t Drink Enough Water

Between 2 and 6 cups of clear, plain water each day can help you lose extra pounds. Water has no calories at all, so it satisfies your thirst without adding weight. And when you drink enough water, you may be less likely to grab sodas, juices, or coffee drinks packed with sugar. High calories in sweet drinks can add up to a big weight gain.

You Wait Too Long to Eat

When you space out your meals too much, your metabolism slows down and isn’t able to burn off all the calories you eat in your next meal. Those extra calories may wind up as extra weight. And you may overeat because you’re too hungry. Try eating smaller portions, and eat more often.

You Eat Out Too Often

OK, you hate to cook. But if you eat most of your meals at restaurants, it may be harder to keep your weight under control. Even so-called light dishes may have more calories than you realize. And we’re not just talking about dinner, either. People who eat lunch out daily can weigh up to 5 pounds more than those who brown-bag it.  

You Sit All Day

Your desk job or TV obsession may make it harder for you to drop those pesky pounds. When you sit most of the time, your body can lose its ability to know when you’ve eaten too much -- you can overeat and gain weight. Even brief exercise breaks during the day can help you stay healthy. Get up for three 10-minute walks around meetings or your favorite shows.

You Reward Workouts With Food

Exercise is a great way to lose weight -- it burns calories and builds muscle mass. But if you indulge in a big dinner or smoothie after every workout, you can ruin all that sweaty work. Watch out for high-sugar sports drinks and protein bars, too. While they can help quench your thirst or give you an energy boost post-workout, they can be very high in calories.

You Overdo the Alcohol

Whether you like wine, beer, or mixed drinks, alcohol has calories that add to your daily amount. If you often have 3 or more drinks a day, you’re more likely to gain weight or be overweight, no matter what type of alcohol you drink. Stick to light or moderate drinking, like one glass of wine with dinner. That may actually help keep you from gaining weight.

Stress Gives You Snack Attacks

If you feel tense, you’re more likely to reach for unhealthy, high-calorie treats for a quick comfort fix. You may eat when you don't really need food. 

You Make Quick Food Decisions

It’s worth your time to plan out your meals and healthy snacks so you’re not tempted to grab something on the go. Even if you get enough activity, you can gain an extra pound or two if you tend to eat fast food or sugary snacks or sodas. Your body doesn’t seem to treat these calories the same as energy you get from healthy foods -- it breaks them down too quickly. They’re also low in fiber, so you don’t feel full afterward and you’re likely to eat or drink more.

Your Thyroid Is Sluggish

If this tiny gland in the front of your throat lags on the job, you could gain as much as 5 to 10 extra pounds. Your thyroid makes hormones that control your energy level and how your body breaks down food. If you don’t make enough of them, it can be hard to shed pounds. You may also feel bloated because your body holds on to too much water and salt. If you think you might have a thyroid problem, talk with your doctor. Medication can help.

You’re Pregnant

Healthy weight gain during your pregnancy is a good thing. If you’re at an average weight before you get pregnant, it’s good to gain 25 to 35 pounds. Go for whole foods like fruits, veggies, grains, and proteins that nourish you and your baby.

Your Medication

Some drugs you take for health problems could make you gain a little weight. For example, steroids can change your metabolism and make you feel hungrier -- you may overeat and gain extra belly fat. Even antihistamines that calm your hay fever could cause weight gain. They lower a chemical your body makes to control your appetite, so you may sneeze less but eat more.

You’re in Menopause

If you’re like most women, you may find your weight creeps up during menopause. Changes in your hormones, less muscle mass, and too little sleep from hot flashes can all lead to added pounds. If you wake up tired, you’re more likely to want to munch on snacks for a boost of energy later in the day. Your genes may also make you more likely to get a “spare tire.”

Check With Your Doctor

Some health problems can make it really hard to lose weight even if you diet and exercise. Your genes can also play a role in how much you weigh or where your body stores fat. Talk to your doctor if you just can’t seem to lose weight. Tests can show if you have a health problem that makes weight loss hard, and you can get medicine or other help to overcome it.